


local clown boy has a breakdown

by five_furbies



Category: Popee the Performer (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Dissociation, Gen, Mental Breakdown, Platonic Relationships, Relationship(s), Self-Harm, Short One Shot, au where they actually talk haha, it’s sweet in the end but like be careful, suicidal/intrusive thoughts, wrote this on my phone so format might be weird
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:55:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27202120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/five_furbies/pseuds/five_furbies
Summary: the title kinda gives a good summery.. major trigger warning for self-harm, anxiety/unreality, suicidal/intrusive thoughtsjust wanted to do a nice angst fic, i guess ?(stuff in ‘’ is thoughts, don’t know if that’s clear in the writing dnbddndb)
Relationships: Popee & Kedamono
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	local clown boy has a breakdown

Popee stared down at his hands. His vision swam, and he was vaguely aware that he was tilting to the ground. Dust whirled up around him. Strangely, despite the fact he had just clattered to the ground, he barely felt a thing. He brought his hands back up to his face, gravely inspecting them. Sitting up now. His eyes boring into his palms like weevils.  
Kedamono approached him cautiously, but decided against it. It was rare for the wolf to get a moment of peace, and he thought better not to question it, at least this once.  
Popee hadn’t even registered Kedamono’s appearance and subsequent disappearance. It felt like he was tilting again. He steadied one hand on the ground, but this time he wasn’t falling. It was as though his very consciousness was being sucked out of him into the abyss. Into the void of the universe. Glaring into his hand, as though the simple ball of flesh was somehow at fault for his swimming brain. His brain. His brain. His brain must be the trouble here.  
Sharply, the little clown swung his fist into his forehead. ‘Not hard enough. Again. Again.  
Again.’ He hit and hit until his forehead grew red and soft with irritation. Until he couldn’t hear the gentle thonking of his skull anymore, but instead just a faint high ringing. He shakily stood. Staring off. He dragged an unsteady hand across his face. Letting it pull at the skin.  
He looked over. Kedamono was just sitting on his beach chair. Watching TV. Didn’t even have the decency to leave him alone. Didn’t even have the cleverness to check on him. Popee debated confronting him about it on the spot, but he didn’t even have the energy for that.  
‘Useless. So fucking useless. You can’t do one thing right, you fucking idiot. Die die die die die. You can’t even do it right. You’re so pathetic. So goddamn pathetic.’ Who were they talking to? His own thoughts felt far away. Not his own. He knew they were talking to himself. Popee hadn’t realized but he had walked over to the concrete wall. He stroked the graffiti. ‘Punch it. Punch it. You won't. God, you’re so weak.’ He felt weak. His eyes drooped, and he sank to the ground in a dejected pile. There was nothing left.  
Perhaps his thoughts were bad, were sour. But what could he say? So fully detached, none of it even felt real. Felt important. What did any of it matter. So fucking tired. He banged his head against the wall once, and closed his eyes. He chuckled quietly to himself. He was a fucking joke. A literal clown.  
A soft paw brushed against him. With a start, Popee thrashed. Arms and legs punched aimlessly in all directions. In his startled fray, he mistakenly striked Kedamono. Kedamono yelped briefly, but was used to it by now. Popee sank down again. For once, he flushed with shame, It felt like a cold hard stone was perched in his throat. Even so, he couldn’t resign himself to an apology. Why would Kedamono even want that? What would an apology do that could right the abuse? How would it change anything?  
Kedamono reached towards Popee again. Put a paw on his knee. “Are you alright?” Popee looked down. Weak. His thoughts still rung gently through his head.  
“Haha. Um…”  
His pause seemed to tell Kedamono enough. “Would… Would you like a hug?” Popee continued staring at the ground. He felt like all he could see was yellow dust. Then he nodded. Kedamono reached out for a hug. Squeezed Popee tight. Popee continued sitting, until slowly he wrapped his arms around Kedamono. “Is that better?” Kedamono asked. Head pushed against Kedamono’s soft chest fur, Popee nodded.  
He felt so tired. So fucking tired.  
“Kedamono?”  
“Yea?”  
“I want..” He trailed off. Suddenly attentive, Kedamono’s mom friend instincts kicked in ready to fulfill Popee’s request. Especially knowing how rare it was that Popee ask for help. “I want some... some choccy milk.” Kedamono pushed Popee back, and Popee laughed.  
Kedamono frowned for a moment, “I thought you were gonna be serious!” Popee just kept on giggling, and it wasn’t long until Kedamono was laughing too. ‘He’s gonna be alright, huh?’ Kedamono wondered as he laughed. ‘Yeah, he’ll be fine.’  
And for a moment, Popee felt fine too.

**Author's Note:**

> this was my first fic since like early middle school so,, hope it wasn’t horrible  
> there’s probably a lot of mistakes cause umm, i wrote this on my phone but hope you enjoyed reading it :)  
> popee the performer is one of my hyperfixations so this was really fun to make


End file.
